I Fantasise About Throwing Chorlton Brewery’s Battery Acid Beers at Jo Brand

The title is a joke.

It is also a massive lie.

I’ve never fantasised about Jo Brand.  I wouldn’t even rape Jo Brand.  The only time I see her is if she is on my tele and then I quickly change the channel before she makes another witty observation about cake.

I wouldn’t possess any of Chorlton Brewery’s “battery acid” beers to throw at her either as I wouldn’t have bought them, seeing as they are hard to find in Manchester for a start and therefore the only other way of getting them would be to stove in Mike’s head, or any other employee that may still work there, with a brick and steal some.

Of course I wouldn’t do any of that because bestowing physical violence, rape and theft are criminal acts and particularly heinous and nasty ones at that.

Jokes aren’t crimes.

Well, they shouldn’t be but in this day and age words and offence are far more easily taken than given.

Count Dankula – convicted of “gross indecency” for making a joke

He was warning about this.

This blog has been warning about this.

Well, not the general public.  We all carry on working as normal, having a drink and getting on with our lives and then wonder what has happened to the world around us

The mass media, the social media users and the political bubble make up the rules, make up the arguments and the faux outrage and somehow this is how laws are drafted these days.

When I was growing up it was “the right” that got offended by jokes.

In more recent history, back when Frankie Boyle had an edge and hadn’t happily compromised it for a BBC pay check he got in to trouble making a joke about the Queen.

Furore but nothing much happened.  Though Boyle didn’t last much longer on TV after that, mainly because his Channel 4 TV show wasn’t as funny as his stand-up.

This has flipped, sort of, in the last 3 years to “the left” now getting upset at everything.

Danny Baker was sacked for a tweeted joke he made.  He made it in a personal capacity.  Also at the expense of the royal family.  He apologised but in this instance the BBC sacked him.

Jo Brand made a joke about throwing acid instead of milkshakes at people she disagreed with.

And so “the right,” trying to take notes out of the new left’s offence play book have kicked up a fuss to the extent that now our useless and wholly ineffective Prime Minister has stepped in.

Boyle and Brand probably weren’t at the time/aren’t employed by the BBC, contract wise, so short of not hiring them again they can’t do much.  In both of these instances though, the programmes were recorded, edited and then the material was deemed suitable for broadcast.

Which it is.

Because it’s a fucking joke.

Baker, being employed by the BBC, was able to be sacked and as such some would say this “right wing outrage” is merely to highlight the inconsistency shown by the BBC and media in general, towards anyone said not to be on “the left.”

I get that but this action merely greases the slope even more.  It normalises bullshit like this and makes it easier for the police to waste their time investigating non-crimes like this when they should be doing real criminal investigations.  Like wrong think on social media.

 

 

Thanks for reading.

 

(Morrissey x Killdren) – Common Sense + Outrage =

A list of the reasons why bands/the music of certain acts was banned in the USSR.  Of course they aren’t the only (former or current) nation to have such a draconian approach to what art is deemed offensive.

 

Certain Christian groups in the USA thought that AC/DC stood for Away from Christ the Devils Calls (a fine backronym).

When I went to Donnington in 1995 the local vicar wanted to perform a ritual at the ground, so sure was he that Satan himself would appear when the band White Zombie performed.

I’m remembering; though it was before my time, the legendary TV moment the Sex Pistols were interviewed by Bill Grundy (a fine soak of a Lancastrian) and the reporting fury in the next days newspapers about the offence taking at the profanity used before the watershed (9pm UK time), or even at a time of family viewing.

The Sex Pistols launched themselves into mainstream consciousness but I always wonder, please feel free to comment below, just how much impact the wearing of the Nazi version of the Swastika was in offending people because in this day and age, swearing at any time of day is a bit passé but far-right tropes are very hip.

I’m also remembering the Iron Maiden single Sanctuary and this front cover…

This Wikipedia article documents the controversy about this and of “Maggie’s revenge” on a the cover art of a subsequent Iron Maiden single.

Being a fan of the rock and heavy metal genres, offence is something you never can take with any band or artwork or article of clothing within the umbrella because it is a given that it will happen and that is probably why you like the band (other than the music).

The original cover of Guns N’ Roses “Appetite for Destruction” LP.

The Vestal Masturbation t-shirt by Cradle of Filth.

Every song ever recorded by Cannibal Corpse.

But that was before 2016 and life has been very different since then.

The modern life of an outrage story is brief but its echoes can stretch for a while and then even come back in on themselves.

I’ve never got Morrissey, or The Smith for that matter.  I appreciate them in the way I appreciate say David Bowie or Elton John, they are highly talented, clearly successful and even I like a handful of their songs but none of their works are in my record collection.

The same goes for Killdren, who I doubt anyone has heard of and in a short while I doubt anyone will, not because they are bad, or good, music is of course subjective but that they will be able to ride their little wave of notoriety for a few weeks before inevitably fading.

Morrissey; as far as this author is concerned’ is a prissy twat who I have, at least from a stance of liking people who can troll a varied amount of self-identifying groups, gained a marked amount of respect for as I’ve got older.

He continually rankles meat eaters (of which I am one) in a way that the standard whiny veggie or vegan can only dream of but his latest annoyance, as of only the start of last week (say 27th May 2019) was to perform on a US talk show wearing a pin badge for the “far-right” For Britain Party, for which his support seems to be based on his avid animal rights stances.

Queue the outrage train, literally, as Morrissey’s posters for his latest album (hmm, being provocative tied in with the launch of new material, what strange and new behaviour is this?) were taken down from MerseyRail train stations within Liverpool following, one complaint.  Whether the complainant was a full on born and bred member of the self-pity city or just had the misfortune to live/work there we will never know.

Fast forward to today (3rd June 2019) and the latest bit of politically-motivated musical outrage comes courtesy of a “punk” band called Killdren who were set to be performing at the annual designer wellie-booted twat parade that is the Glastonbury music festival.

I once went to Glastonbury; the only vague memory I have of it, the best aspect that is, is that once you were in the grounds you were in.  You could walk from your tent with whatever alcohol you’d brought in with you and you wouldn’t have to leave it outside another designated area if you wanted to go in to see the performances.  Yet they still had bars and people were still buying from them, a revelation.

A acquaintance’s band was also playing there that year, in some pointless small tent at about 2 in the morning.  This is the slot that Killdren were allotted where they could perform their classic work “Kill Tory Scum” and possibly depict the murder and mutilation of conservative members and voters as a way of highlighting how years of austerity have killed thousands of innocent people.

Apparently.

It is all fair comment.  Regardless of you political stance it is a simple, trite and none nuanced way of getting your opinions across and if you can get extra publicity from the offended and its associated one-day tidal wave of shit then everyone is happy.

And you can sell a lot more t-shirts.  Yeah, punk ethos, down with corporate whores.

That in the space of a week the political left and the political right have both been offended by appropriations of opposing politics in artistic form helps me feel comfortable that I am, personally at least, wonderfully surfing in the middle on an free expression tidal bore.

And so, until the next shit tides starts as a ripple I’ll leave you with some Cannibal Corpse.

 

Hmm, not sure why all the water references came in, probably to do with all the salty tears of offence that have been shed and will never stop flowing.

 

Thanks for reading.

UK Police Investigate UK Police for Wasting UK Police Time

Danny Baker is being investigated by the police for a tweet.

People less famous than him are being investigated by police every day for things the put online.

Not threats, not violence, nothing in the least bit dangerous in any rational sense.

Just people putting their thought and opinions online.

For anyone to read.

Or for no one to read.

And the police take action.

Because they are so underfunded and are so stretched that that need to be wasting their time with this shit.

Or even having to be in a position to have to say they are investigating because that is what our current political and social climate demands.

This is backwards.

The world is going backwards

We don’t need revolutions, the clue is in the name, it revolves, we go round in circles.

We need to seriously evolve.

We’ve evolved from apes to then act like apes being offended by a shaved ape tweeting about an ape which is comparable to a slur that compares people to apes.

If people went to the pub and socialised with people in person rather this shit would never be an issue.

Well it might, but then you could physically sort it out, in person, face-to-face by fighting.

Like apes.

This is what drunk blogging reads like.

Now I’m off to have another beer and watch a film.

Planet of the Apes perhaps.

 

Thanks for reading.

I’m A Nazi, I Drink Your Milkshake But I Wouldn’t Even Rape You

Truth be told, I’ve never actually seen “There Will Be Blood” from with the milkshake reference is taken from.

And I’m definitely not a Nazi.

And I not comfortable with using rape in any other context other than a discussion about rape.

But that is just me, whether comfortable or uncomfortable if someone wants to us rape as an analogy, or in a humorous way then have at it.

I’ve been watching the YouTuber known as Sargon of Akkad for sometime, even before he sent his infamous tweet; for those who don’t know the reference the you can view all Sargon’s videos at his account here but to summarise a female UK MP for the Labour party made rather, in the nicest way I can put it, off-colour and childish remarks and actions (fake laughing) at a proposal to discuss men’s mental health and suicides.  It is quite possible that she made an honest mistake and got the wrong end of what was being proposed and for the sake of being magnanimous I will give her the benefit of the doubt.

Because of her interpreted crass behaviour and doing what all shit lords do in order to get a reaction, Sargon tweeted at the MP “I wouldn’t even rape you”

It can be interpreted many ways, it is quite clever when you think about it and to me that is a statement of non-intent but it takes some mental gymnastics to argue that it is a threat to actually rape.  Unless just saying rape out of context is akin to actual rape, which is nonsense.  Anyway ss I stated at the start, it isn’t something I’m personally, particularly comfortable with but I agree that you can use it in the context of a joke, as Carlin does below (then goes on to do a bit that I don’t find humorous, still comedy is subjective).

 

Sargon got his reaction and then everyone went on their way a few hours later, as is the general carry on with social media outrage.

This was at least 3 years ago and as Sargon is now standing for UKIP as an MEP it is apparently now fit for the police to investigate the tweet and to question (BBC link) “how a person who wrote the comments online was allowed to run to be an MEP”

The term “malicious communications” is another wonderfully, open-ended Orwellian charge that can be used to shut down opponents or at least extract money from the unfortunate.

In my opinion Jess Philips (the MP in question) is not an honest actor, she has shown herself time and again to be, at the very least inconsistent and in general just a hypocrite when it comes to dealing with bullying, abuse and misogyny.  She portrays herself as a tough and ready to rumble woman but will happily play the victim when it is advantageous.

Having said that, I obviously never condone abuse, physically or verbally, of anyone, politician or not.

What classifies as abuse is an ever shifting window (all hail the Overton), whereby a simple disagreement can be interpreted as abuse just, well just because it is a disagreement.

It does depend who you are talking to, most normal people like discussion like that, well contested and even with the odd insult thrown in and then there are those that if you have any sort of differing opinion to them then you are a Nazi.

And with all that said, this brings us to Tommy Robinson.

Tommy Robinson is again for me, not an honest actor.  He and Jess Philips are two sides of the same coin, the only difference and it is a big difference, is that Robinson has criminal convictions to his name (and a posh sounding real name that everyone who hates him just loves to keep repeating for some reason).

Last week, Robinson was doing a tour of some towns in the UK, as he too is standing to be an MEP and during his time out in the streets he was hit with numerous milkshakes.  You can probably find the footage online.

Now the instinctive reaction of myself is to laugh when anyone gets hit with any food item.  I’m not a fan of the wastage of food but for comedic value (and to a lesser extent a very strong hint at political dissatisfaction) it is acceptable on that level.

Legally though it is probably assault.

Well, if you are the right kind of person or politician, or person standing to be an elected official.  If you’re Robinson, you’ll just have to wear it well and hope you’re not lactose intolerant as somehow the people that threw the milkshakes become the victim.

It’s like Covington, UK style.

 

I don’t know, the pre-social media age of politics was such a less divided time to witness.

 

 

Which takes us round full to circle to Jess Philips who said she would (Guardian) “knife Jeremy Corbyn in the front” which of course is a paraphrase of well know saying and also, well a malicious communication.

 

Thanks for reading.

By EU Decree, This Blog is Now Unlawful

Well parts of it are.

As I warned about back in May 2018 in a previous post the realisation that the EU may impose draconian laws on the internet and by default free speech and free ideas has come to pass as they have now unanimously voted through Article 11 and Article 13 (and a whole bunch of other stuff) within its Copyright Directive.

This means that any post on this blog with links to external sources, or any piece on this blog that contains images that aren’t of my own creation, altered under fair use or used within context of a piece, are subject to removal or a fee being paid and as I doubt WordPress would wish to pay a fee, I’ll just wait for deletion.

I don’t invite deletion or wait for it happily as if to be proved correct and attain levity through prose martyrdom, far from it, I would welcome if all the worst aspects of this directive we never realised.

But when it comes to money, global forces and suppression of any challenge to the status quo, it is usually just a matter of time.

I make no money from this blog – if I did it would be much higher quality, less long winded and I’d actually do spelling and grammar checks and so it will continue, between bouts of procrastination, still with links and memes when relevant.

 

Thanks for reading.

“Pub Bans Dictionary Definitions”

 

Daily Mirror Link

Daily Mail Link

Well, no one comes out of this covered in glory.  So here let me rail against these idiots and let my own prejudices shine.

Ms Wershbale, a mother-of-one, had gone last Sunday with her girlfriend to play board games at the pub where she has been a regular for three years.

Pubs are for drinking, maybe some darts, dominoes, billiards and a bit of shove ha’penny but if you want to pretend you’re still a child, play you’re board games with your kid(s), at home.

On the same day Mr Johnson – the pub goer Ms Wershbale had offended – took to Twitter to talk about his distress. He wrote: ‘When you’re trying to relax in your fave pub and there is a TERF [trans exclusionary radical feminist] wearing an anti-trans T-shirt… it’s disgusting and I’m so upset by it.’

Grassing wimp.

The manager of Five Clouds Tom Lewis said Ms Wershbale is not permanently barred but she must ‘have a discussion with staff so she understands the situation’ before she is allowed back in.

Tom lad, use this opportunity to mansplain wisely, it is the only time those liberal twats in the beer world will make an exception, when you are defending a lesser minority against a slightly greater minority – please consult you victim-hood flowchart for all other occasions when this can be used.

I look forward to a debate between Wershbale and Jan at Marble (purveyor of rules like this) – maybe make it part of Manchester Beer Week 2019, a logical step from the unnecessary use of identity politics that were so prevalent in the 2018 saga.  There is a title for this epic clash just ready and waiting.

Also; Five Clouds is a bar, not a pub, I’ve been a half dozen time, a nice place, not the best in Macc but at least it has, good staff, limited exposed brickwork, no industrial-chic and doesn’t look like an Ikea catalogue vomited the furnishings.

——————

Lets cut to the chase.  Ms Wershbale hasn’t been “banned for wearing a t-shirt” – she has been barred for being an antagonistic twat.

Christ, when I was in college I borrowed my mates Cradle of Filth t-shirt just to wind-up my biology teacher who’d already banned numerous t-shirts I’d worn.  I was 17, I hated Cradle of Filth (I still do, or rather I just don’t get them) and I was being a dick.

 

 

This is where we are at with political discourse, it has been reduced to the level of teenage name calling.

Dictionary definitions are wonderful when used for causes and labels you wish to attach (incorrectly) to people; how many times do people you don’t agree with have to be called fascist before that word loses all meaning?  Facts don’t care about your feelings.  Deal with it.

Likewise, when it comes to the mantra “private businesses can set there own rules” – again this only applies when it suits a narrative.

All this against a back drop of words, a lack of maturity, running to a safe space to claim victim points and general wazzock behaviour.

I still get pissed off with the amount of signs pubs and bars have to carry by order of their licenses

  • no drugs
  • no smoking (or vaping)
  • are you 25?
  • please leave quietly
  • line cleaning
  • PRS music approval
  • Numerous posters for up coming events

Not only are you bombarded with information that in most cases is entirely irrelevant to your enjoyment of a beer, in some establishments we now have to see prominent virtual signals to, as if it were necessary, let us know the victualler is as far away from being a Nazi as is possible.

Well, their interpretation of a Nazi.

And if you don’t agree with their way of thinking…

 

Thanks for reading.

Beer Gets Another 10 Commandments

 

Beer in general got its own 10 Commandments issued in July of this year, curated by those that know better than everyone else who drinks.

And now our betters; those that write communicate beer to the public; in such a way that they needed to form their own club with their own private invite system.  Those that sometimes getting to flash their knowledgeable heads on Sunday morning Channel 4 toff programmes now get to dictate to not only their members but plebs like me who may wish to blog about beer every so often.

 

Of course this may sound like sour grapes but that long-standing quote by Groucho Marx seems most appropriate for this situation…

“The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them.”

 

I suppose where CAMRA led with it Revitalisation Project so too all other off shoots of the beer bubble must follow.  Everyone “in” beer has an image to portray and this must be upheld at all times.  Even if they are preaching to the converted of an ever decreasing congregation.

The less said about the scruffy oiks that drink the stuff the best.

It is a brave new world.

Viva Le Schism.

 

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Apologies if you were expecting NPC-meme related content, it is a disposable as each passing beer fad is.