I Fantasise About Throwing Chorlton Brewery’s Battery Acid Beers at Jo Brand

The title is a joke.

It is also a massive lie.

I’ve never fantasised about Jo Brand.  I wouldn’t even rape Jo Brand.  The only time I see her is if she is on my tele and then I quickly change the channel before she makes another witty observation about cake.

I wouldn’t possess any of Chorlton Brewery’s “battery acid” beers to throw at her either as I wouldn’t have bought them, seeing as they are hard to find in Manchester for a start and therefore the only other way of getting them would be to stove in Mike’s head, or any other employee that may still work there, with a brick and steal some.

Of course I wouldn’t do any of that because bestowing physical violence, rape and theft are criminal acts and particularly heinous and nasty ones at that.

Jokes aren’t crimes.

Well, they shouldn’t be but in this day and age words and offence are far more easily taken than given.

Count Dankula – convicted of “gross indecency” for making a joke

He was warning about this.

This blog has been warning about this.

Well, not the general public.  We all carry on working as normal, having a drink and getting on with our lives and then wonder what has happened to the world around us

The mass media, the social media users and the political bubble make up the rules, make up the arguments and the faux outrage and somehow this is how laws are drafted these days.

When I was growing up it was “the right” that got offended by jokes.

In more recent history, back when Frankie Boyle had an edge and hadn’t happily compromised it for a BBC pay check he got in to trouble making a joke about the Queen.

Furore but nothing much happened.  Though Boyle didn’t last much longer on TV after that, mainly because his Channel 4 TV show wasn’t as funny as his stand-up.

This has flipped, sort of, in the last 3 years to “the left” now getting upset at everything.

Danny Baker was sacked for a tweeted joke he made.  He made it in a personal capacity.  Also at the expense of the royal family.  He apologised but in this instance the BBC sacked him.

Jo Brand made a joke about throwing acid instead of milkshakes at people she disagreed with.

And so “the right,” trying to take notes out of the new left’s offence play book have kicked up a fuss to the extent that now our useless and wholly ineffective Prime Minister has stepped in.

Boyle and Brand probably weren’t at the time/aren’t employed by the BBC, contract wise, so short of not hiring them again they can’t do much.  In both of these instances though, the programmes were recorded, edited and then the material was deemed suitable for broadcast.

Which it is.

Because it’s a fucking joke.

Baker, being employed by the BBC, was able to be sacked and as such some would say this “right wing outrage” is merely to highlight the inconsistency shown by the BBC and media in general, towards anyone said not to be on “the left.”

I get that but this action merely greases the slope even more.  It normalises bullshit like this and makes it easier for the police to waste their time investigating non-crimes like this when they should be doing real criminal investigations.  Like wrong think on social media.



Thanks for reading.


(Morrissey x Killdren) – Common Sense + Outrage =

A list of the reasons why bands/the music of certain acts was banned in the USSR.  Of course they aren’t the only (former or current) nation to have such a draconian approach to what art is deemed offensive.


Certain Christian groups in the USA thought that AC/DC stood for Away from Christ the Devils Calls (a fine backronym).

When I went to Donnington in 1995 the local vicar wanted to perform a ritual at the ground, so sure was he that Satan himself would appear when the band White Zombie performed.

I’m remembering; though it was before my time, the legendary TV moment the Sex Pistols were interviewed by Bill Grundy (a fine soak of a Lancastrian) and the reporting fury in the next days newspapers about the offence taking at the profanity used before the watershed (9pm UK time), or even at a time of family viewing.

The Sex Pistols launched themselves into mainstream consciousness but I always wonder, please feel free to comment below, just how much impact the wearing of the Nazi version of the Swastika was in offending people because in this day and age, swearing at any time of day is a bit passé but far-right tropes are very hip.

I’m also remembering the Iron Maiden single Sanctuary and this front cover…

This Wikipedia article documents the controversy about this and of “Maggie’s revenge” on a the cover art of a subsequent Iron Maiden single.

Being a fan of the rock and heavy metal genres, offence is something you never can take with any band or artwork or article of clothing within the umbrella because it is a given that it will happen and that is probably why you like the band (other than the music).

The original cover of Guns N’ Roses “Appetite for Destruction” LP.

The Vestal Masturbation t-shirt by Cradle of Filth.

Every song ever recorded by Cannibal Corpse.

But that was before 2016 and life has been very different since then.

The modern life of an outrage story is brief but its echoes can stretch for a while and then even come back in on themselves.

I’ve never got Morrissey, or The Smith for that matter.  I appreciate them in the way I appreciate say David Bowie or Elton John, they are highly talented, clearly successful and even I like a handful of their songs but none of their works are in my record collection.

The same goes for Killdren, who I doubt anyone has heard of and in a short while I doubt anyone will, not because they are bad, or good, music is of course subjective but that they will be able to ride their little wave of notoriety for a few weeks before inevitably fading.

Morrissey; as far as this author is concerned’ is a prissy twat who I have, at least from a stance of liking people who can troll a varied amount of self-identifying groups, gained a marked amount of respect for as I’ve got older.

He continually rankles meat eaters (of which I am one) in a way that the standard whiny veggie or vegan can only dream of but his latest annoyance, as of only the start of last week (say 27th May 2019) was to perform on a US talk show wearing a pin badge for the “far-right” For Britain Party, for which his support seems to be based on his avid animal rights stances.

Queue the outrage train, literally, as Morrissey’s posters for his latest album (hmm, being provocative tied in with the launch of new material, what strange and new behaviour is this?) were taken down from MerseyRail train stations within Liverpool following, one complaint.  Whether the complainant was a full on born and bred member of the self-pity city or just had the misfortune to live/work there we will never know.

Fast forward to today (3rd June 2019) and the latest bit of politically-motivated musical outrage comes courtesy of a “punk” band called Killdren who were set to be performing at the annual designer wellie-booted twat parade that is the Glastonbury music festival.

I once went to Glastonbury; the only vague memory I have of it, the best aspect that is, is that once you were in the grounds you were in.  You could walk from your tent with whatever alcohol you’d brought in with you and you wouldn’t have to leave it outside another designated area if you wanted to go in to see the performances.  Yet they still had bars and people were still buying from them, a revelation.

A acquaintance’s band was also playing there that year, in some pointless small tent at about 2 in the morning.  This is the slot that Killdren were allotted where they could perform their classic work “Kill Tory Scum” and possibly depict the murder and mutilation of conservative members and voters as a way of highlighting how years of austerity have killed thousands of innocent people.


It is all fair comment.  Regardless of you political stance it is a simple, trite and none nuanced way of getting your opinions across and if you can get extra publicity from the offended and its associated one-day tidal wave of shit then everyone is happy.

And you can sell a lot more t-shirts.  Yeah, punk ethos, down with corporate whores.

That in the space of a week the political left and the political right have both been offended by appropriations of opposing politics in artistic form helps me feel comfortable that I am, personally at least, wonderfully surfing in the middle on an free expression tidal bore.

And so, until the next shit tides starts as a ripple I’ll leave you with some Cannibal Corpse.


Hmm, not sure why all the water references came in, probably to do with all the salty tears of offence that have been shed and will never stop flowing.


Thanks for reading.

UK Police Investigate UK Police for Wasting UK Police Time

Danny Baker is being investigated by the police for a tweet.

People less famous than him are being investigated by police every day for things the put online.

Not threats, not violence, nothing in the least bit dangerous in any rational sense.

Just people putting their thought and opinions online.

For anyone to read.

Or for no one to read.

And the police take action.

Because they are so underfunded and are so stretched that that need to be wasting their time with this shit.

Or even having to be in a position to have to say they are investigating because that is what our current political and social climate demands.

This is backwards.

The world is going backwards

We don’t need revolutions, the clue is in the name, it revolves, we go round in circles.

We need to seriously evolve.

We’ve evolved from apes to then act like apes being offended by a shaved ape tweeting about an ape which is comparable to a slur that compares people to apes.

If people went to the pub and socialised with people in person rather this shit would never be an issue.

Well it might, but then you could physically sort it out, in person, face-to-face by fighting.

Like apes.

This is what drunk blogging reads like.

Now I’m off to have another beer and watch a film.

Planet of the Apes perhaps.


Thanks for reading.

Attention Beer Bloggers – Article 13

Granted, I’m not really a blogger solely about beer any more but if this piece is to reach those circles I used to rotate in then let this be the equivalent of a bat signal.

Basically, and as balanced as I can relay the information as I understand it, Article 13 is a poorly drafted piece of legislation that could in effect make us bloggers, bloggers about anything for that matter, have to pay to link to news stories we are commenting on.


There could also be monetary exchanges required to even use some else’s intellectual property that has been transformed enough to deem it, as is currently allowed, acceptable use.  In other words, you won’t be able to make satirical, parody or even comment on anything based on songs, films, another blog and anything else without it possibly being censored.

More information below.

I’d appreciate if those that still may be on twitter can push this around said beer circles, just to highlight possible future problems.

Link 1

Link 2

The Petition

Contact your MEP

Thanks for reading.

Free Speech – A Thoroughly Modern Liberal Problem

This piece was promoted by a comment on a previous piece about free speech.

I would be interested to hear your views on whether you think the Free Speech Crusade has a bit of an image problem at the moment. I’m referring to all the free speech banners being waved at this weekend’s ‘Football Lads Alliance’ March in London. Not much digging is required before you discover this lot are a load of knuckle dragging far right racists. Yet again, as per the recent ‘Nazi Pug’ business there’s a direct link between the issues you raise and infamous chancer ‘Tommy Robinson’.

Now this is not an attack on the poster of this comment but it is a rebuttal of the malaise that current liberals and “the left” seem to have with what free speech actually is.

Or Freeze Peach as some unfunny, condescending twats have taken to calling it.   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This comment perfectly encapsulates the general patronisation that the issue of free speech has reached with some on the political left (of which I still count myself a part of).

The points in this comment are:

Image Problem – Image would suggest ownership.  No one owns free speech and that is the main point, it is for anyone and everyone.  To wish to attach an image to it is nefarious and rather transparent, as the rest of the comment goes on to nail home.

Crusade – this, on its own is not a terrible descriptor but taken with the other points in the comment the referencing to a religious (and as some would undoubtedly suggest, racial) war is not lost.  That religion is still one of the biggest opponents of free speech should be noted.

Football Lads Alliance March – this is inaccurate, see further points.

Not much digging – well indeed not much at all if, as I suspect you probably just read a few headlines (which were actually changed) from the failed Independent and failing Guardian newspaper websites and they will simply confirm your own bias.

Far-right racists – they were there, most types of people were there but hey just focus on one fraction of the attendees.

Tommy Robinson – see also, Football Lads Alliance March.  Basically this whole comment could have been condensed to:

“Tommy Robinson (whatever his real name is, ho ho ho ) was there and therefore this free speech thing is only a thing so racists can insult Muslims.”

That the march was reported as being a gathering of the “alt-right” or even “far-right” was enough evidence of the general lack of comprehension that some have about the actual event.  But that labelling has a purpose and that is to undermine free speech.

What currently sums up the attitude to this event and the chastisement of free speech in general is the treatment of Vanity Von Glow.

Because merely being a drag queen and appearing at this event can see you shunned by the apparent liberal and free thinking sections of society.  You do have to wonder whose knuckles are actually dragging on the ground.


In other related news, subject to a 3 month public consultation, the Sentencing Council for England and Wales has drafted changes to public order offences, including anyone perceived as targeting online a “protected characteristics” including “race; sex; disability; age; sexual orientation; religion or belief; pregnancy and maternity; and gender reassignment.”

People convicted of hate crimes could get harsher sentences if they have large number of social media followers

Police threaten to arrest Facebook users after ‘tiny drugs bust’ mocked


One final point; if we are going to do the “guilt by association” trope, then allow me to introduce you to Richard Spencer.  Who is, even in my mind, far-right in the true sense of the word and more importantly a white supremacist.  This is what he had to say about the lefty-maligned “Day of Freedom”

So for me, if I’m being accused of guilty by association then let it be with Tommy Robinson, a Nazi pug and a drag queen; the rest of you can bunk up with with your actual fascist bedfellows.

Nighty night.


Thanks for reading.


No I don’t know what is going on with the font.

Here Comes a Candle to Light You to Bed…

“…And here comes a chopper to chop off your head!”

-Mr. Charrington, Nineteen Eighty-Four


The happiest days of my life were in infants and primary school (ages 5-11).  It was a time of fun, of basic understanding, of being able to be a child, of not being bullied, of manic cartoons on TV and of learning new words, especially the “naughty” ones.

This is Cheetara…

She was a ThunderCat (and probably the cause of many predilections of the phenomenon known today as a Furry).

She was also the cause of one of the few times I got into trouble with teachers at primary school.  I decided to dub here, with a new swear word I’d heard, Shitara.

This was shared only amongst a small number of my peer group, no harm was done.

Until someone told the teacher and I had to do lines as penance from knowing and using a rude word in class.

By the time I’d reach secondary school and was in my final year studying for exams so would come the next time I’d get lines for using a four-letter word.

Or a few four-letter words.

While a mate of mine kept taking stuff out of my pencil-case and throwing them at others in class; I proclaimed, in perfect timing just as the level of the classroom dropped, “leave it alone, you fucking cunt.”

The teacher, whom I thought out of class at the time, rose from behind a high bench and thus I was duly punished.

Lines, by the way, for those that don’t know, are akin to what Bart Simpson writes out at the start of every episode.

The point of these above stories is you really have to know your audience and your surroundings.


Exeter University student explains racist message revelation

Arsalan Motavali acted in an extremely cowardly and underhand way but is now a much-lauded member of the ever growing group of thought police that Mr. Charrington in George Orwell’s 1984 was a part of.

To be honest, if you were in a group with a load of people you didn’t know 100% you are pretty stupid to post stuff that is going to offend people, so I don’t really have any sympathy for those expelled by the university except for the fact that the actions that lead to their expulsion is a complete assault on free speech and free thought.

You’d think that if people were saying things that were offensive to you, you might what to call them out on it first, challenge them.  But Arsalan left the group.  He walked away.  That should have been the end of it.

But Mr. Motavali; seeking brownie points, got a few of his colleagues together and then, a few months later, such was the pressing nature of the crime, sought to publicly shame the offenders and thereby the university into taking action.

Given this man his badge for the Thinkpol and let him join Minitru, he is a strong and courageous citizen.


The Whatsapp groups I’m in with my friends work on what could be considered to be Mutually Assured Destruction.  In today’s society, what we post is intended to amuse and shock each other.  The misguided and hate filled out there would probably call it displays of “toxic masculinity,” really it is just friends talking, banter if you must, a way of brightening up the day.

But above all, it is a private conversation.

The thoughts, views and jokes told in the threads do not reflect the real life thoughts and behaviours of those involved in it, I can guarantee that, as much as I can probably say the same about those punished by Exeter University.

But we now live in a country where what is said and what is typed can lead to let alone imbalanced but completely unnecessary punishment.

There is a time and a place to say things but there is never a time and a place to think things, that is the beauty of private thought and sadly that is what some want to change.  The slippery slope is paved with good, offensive jokes.

Chip chop chip chop the last man is dead.


Thanks for reading.

A Snap Dog, a Nazi Pug and a Count go into a Court…

A few weeks back I wrote about the case of Count Dankula just after he had been found guilty of being “grossly offensive” for teaching his dog to react to the phrase (heard 23 times in the posted video) “Gas the Jews” and various other phrases.

Yesterday the young man in question, Mark(us) Meechan was fined £800 for the act of telling a joke.

Fortunately he wasn’t martyred on the alter of free speech by facing a custodial sentence but in a case that dragged on for 2 years, based on no complaints at all, you have to wonder, just from a financial point of view, what have we as a nation gained from this because it certainly isn’t swelling of the public coffers and a much needed boost to police budgets.

Though if this is how the police are going to waste their time then they clearly have an abundance of staff and money to waste on frivolous nonsense like this and don’t need any more increase in their budgets.

David Baddiel, comedian AND Jew, so therefore ticking all demographics so the “sides” wanting his opinion on this case can claim the real victory for themselves, wrote a very good article dissecting the trial, what is a joke and what is offensive.  Personally the people happy to see Dankula charged and fined are relying on some rather spurious information to back up their side of the argument but then again I would say that.

The thing is, even in my free speech absolutism head I can see why this was taken to court, the phrase “Gas the Jews” when taken completely out of, or completely without context, is offensive.  Technically, as that is how the judge (no jury was used in this case) came to his verdict, then as I’ve simply quoted it, now twice in this piece (and once in the original piece) I could be charged with being “grossly offensive.”

Which brings us to the case of Chelsea Russell.

A woman of 19, now with a criminal conviction, £585 less in her savings and a tag so she can observe and 8 week curfew.  Her most heinous of crimes…?

Off a whole gram of molly, and my bitch think I’m trippin’
Now I’m clutchin’ on my forty, all I can think about is drillin’
I hate fuck shit, slap a bitch nigga, kill a snitch nigga, rob a rich nigga
I think I’m trippin’, I think I’m trippin’

Quoting, on Facebook, the above lyrics, from a song called “I’m Trippin'” by “Snap Dog” (not Snoop).

As I’ve now quoted these lyrics on social media I too am perhaps in violation of some interpretation of a law that says I’m being “grossly offensive.”

The lyric site I copied them from are also in violation.

The websites that host the video for this song, or stream it are in violation also.

The artist himself is also guilty.

The rap in my music collection consists of Ice Cube, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Ice-T (also his metal band Body Count, with their problematic song “Cop Killer”) and N.W.A – whose actual name, for those that don’t know, is “Niggaz Wit Attitudes.”

There lyrics are laden with nigger/nigga pejoratives.

The mere act of typing “the n-word” is a crime.

If we extend this to its natural conclusion, quoting absolutely anything, context be damned is a criminal offence here in the UK.

Chris Rock best not tour the UK again.


Thanks for reading.