I Fantasise About Throwing Chorlton Brewery’s Battery Acid Beers at Jo Brand

The title is a joke.

It is also a massive lie.

I’ve never fantasised about Jo Brand.  I wouldn’t even rape Jo Brand.  The only time I see her is if she is on my tele and then I quickly change the channel before she makes another witty observation about cake.

I wouldn’t possess any of Chorlton Brewery’s “battery acid” beers to throw at her either as I wouldn’t have bought them, seeing as they are hard to find in Manchester for a start and therefore the only other way of getting them would be to stove in Mike’s head, or any other employee that may still work there, with a brick and steal some.

Of course I wouldn’t do any of that because bestowing physical violence, rape and theft are criminal acts and particularly heinous and nasty ones at that.

Jokes aren’t crimes.

Well, they shouldn’t be but in this day and age words and offence are far more easily taken than given.

Count Dankula – convicted of “gross indecency” for making a joke

He was warning about this.

This blog has been warning about this.

Well, not the general public.  We all carry on working as normal, having a drink and getting on with our lives and then wonder what has happened to the world around us

The mass media, the social media users and the political bubble make up the rules, make up the arguments and the faux outrage and somehow this is how laws are drafted these days.

When I was growing up it was “the right” that got offended by jokes.

In more recent history, back when Frankie Boyle had an edge and hadn’t happily compromised it for a BBC pay check he got in to trouble making a joke about the Queen.

Furore but nothing much happened.  Though Boyle didn’t last much longer on TV after that, mainly because his Channel 4 TV show wasn’t as funny as his stand-up.

This has flipped, sort of, in the last 3 years to “the left” now getting upset at everything.

Danny Baker was sacked for a tweeted joke he made.  He made it in a personal capacity.  Also at the expense of the royal family.  He apologised but in this instance the BBC sacked him.

Jo Brand made a joke about throwing acid instead of milkshakes at people she disagreed with.

And so “the right,” trying to take notes out of the new left’s offence play book have kicked up a fuss to the extent that now our useless and wholly ineffective Prime Minister has stepped in.

Boyle and Brand probably weren’t at the time/aren’t employed by the BBC, contract wise, so short of not hiring them again they can’t do much.  In both of these instances though, the programmes were recorded, edited and then the material was deemed suitable for broadcast.

Which it is.

Because it’s a fucking joke.

Baker, being employed by the BBC, was able to be sacked and as such some would say this “right wing outrage” is merely to highlight the inconsistency shown by the BBC and media in general, towards anyone said not to be on “the left.”

I get that but this action merely greases the slope even more.  It normalises bullshit like this and makes it easier for the police to waste their time investigating non-crimes like this when they should be doing real criminal investigations.  Like wrong think on social media.



Thanks for reading.


Schadenfreude vs Principles – Part 2 – Graham Linehan

Part 1

I’ve written about Count Dankula and his court trial before.  The trial itself became a lightning rod on twitter with the schism between what is and isn’t free speech becoming as blurred as the lines between common sense and hysteria as well as the old left/right political paradigm.

One of Dankula’s biggest detractors, going so far as to call him Cunt Dankula was Graham Linehan, writer of the glorious Father Ted (with Arthur Matthews) and contributor to Brass Eye and The Day Today (again, with Arthur Matthews).

Such was the shock that greeted Linehan’s response to the Dankula case; because there is a very stable Venn diagram whereby people are entertained by both artists works, that some speculated that Arthur Matthews was the one that wrote everything and Linehan was just the ego that sold it all.

To be fair there were quite a few comedians who not only didn’t speak up in defence of Dankula and comedy as a whole but did actively berate his actions but Linehan was the most vocal, such was his need to show his allegiance to the left, the progressives and generally anyone who thinks jokes are dangerous and should be censored and those that don’t agree are Nazis, fascists or the “alt-right.”

Linehan towed this line, while at the same time giving short shrift to a trans activist whom he was engaged in a war of words with.

His main infraction, apart from apparent doxxing by both parties, was referring to the now she as the former’s he persona.

A complaint was made to West Yorkshire police.  The same West Yorkshire Police that fail to investigate’ nearly half of reported offences.

Anyway in the end, Linehan was given a warning for expressing an opinion.

Graham Linehan given police warning after complaint by transgender activist (Guardian Link)

He twitter account is currently locked.

The (no pun intended) rainbow of intersectionality that accompanies equal rights, women’s rights, transgender rights and all manner of everything in between is confusing.  If you just read the defence employed by Linehan in the Guardian link above the language is just as confusing, it is almost as if it was by design that these things were that opaque that offence is bound to be taken by anyone at some point.

It is quite simple to change your opinion of the right of free speech for all but sometimes people are so far down a rabbit hole it is hard to see how far from the light you actually gone.

And in this day and age of likes, followers and retweets, sometimes people will sell out their own beliefs just to tell those that hang on their every word, what they think they want to hear.

In the end, if you are willing to deny someone the right to an opinion and the right to voice that opinion simply because you disagree with it, then expect your very same rights to be curtailed in the very same way and no manner of flag waving for any “side” will save you.


Thanks for reading.

A Snap Dog, a Nazi Pug and a Count go into a Court…

A few weeks back I wrote about the case of Count Dankula just after he had been found guilty of being “grossly offensive” for teaching his dog to react to the phrase (heard 23 times in the posted video) “Gas the Jews” and various other phrases.

Yesterday the young man in question, Mark(us) Meechan was fined £800 for the act of telling a joke.

Fortunately he wasn’t martyred on the alter of free speech by facing a custodial sentence but in a case that dragged on for 2 years, based on no complaints at all, you have to wonder, just from a financial point of view, what have we as a nation gained from this because it certainly isn’t swelling of the public coffers and a much needed boost to police budgets.

Though if this is how the police are going to waste their time then they clearly have an abundance of staff and money to waste on frivolous nonsense like this and don’t need any more increase in their budgets.

David Baddiel, comedian AND Jew, so therefore ticking all demographics so the “sides” wanting his opinion on this case can claim the real victory for themselves, wrote a very good article dissecting the trial, what is a joke and what is offensive.  Personally the people happy to see Dankula charged and fined are relying on some rather spurious information to back up their side of the argument but then again I would say that.

The thing is, even in my free speech absolutism head I can see why this was taken to court, the phrase “Gas the Jews” when taken completely out of, or completely without context, is offensive.  Technically, as that is how the judge (no jury was used in this case) came to his verdict, then as I’ve simply quoted it, now twice in this piece (and once in the original piece) I could be charged with being “grossly offensive.”

Which brings us to the case of Chelsea Russell.

A woman of 19, now with a criminal conviction, £585 less in her savings and a tag so she can observe and 8 week curfew.  Her most heinous of crimes…?

Off a whole gram of molly, and my bitch think I’m trippin’
Now I’m clutchin’ on my forty, all I can think about is drillin’
I hate fuck shit, slap a bitch nigga, kill a snitch nigga, rob a rich nigga
I think I’m trippin’, I think I’m trippin’

Quoting, on Facebook, the above lyrics, from a song called “I’m Trippin'” by “Snap Dog” (not Snoop).

As I’ve now quoted these lyrics on social media I too am perhaps in violation of some interpretation of a law that says I’m being “grossly offensive.”

The lyric site I copied them from are also in violation.

The websites that host the video for this song, or stream it are in violation also.

The artist himself is also guilty.

The rap in my music collection consists of Ice Cube, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Ice-T (also his metal band Body Count, with their problematic song “Cop Killer”) and N.W.A – whose actual name, for those that don’t know, is “Niggaz Wit Attitudes.”

There lyrics are laden with nigger/nigga pejoratives.

The mere act of typing “the n-word” is a crime.

If we extend this to its natural conclusion, quoting absolutely anything, context be damned is a criminal offence here in the UK.

Chris Rock best not tour the UK again.


Thanks for reading.

Hitler had the Right Idea. He was just an Underachiever…


I love Bill Hicks.  One of the last great stand-up comedians out there and very much missed.

If you watch the video from 52 seconds to 1 minute, then that is where the title of this very short piece is from and of course taken as just that quote you’d be thinking…wow, that is quite a nasty thing to say.

If you were then to watch the full 2 minutes and 52 seconds of the video, in fact it you were to search for the whole set, you’d see it in its true meaning and form.

You know…



Thanks reading.

The Very Modern Deaths of Pastor Niemöller and Voltaire*

“I don’t agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”

It wasn’t Voltaire that said this, it was *Evelyn Beatrice Hall who was….well, here is a link to explain it.


“First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”

– Pastor Martin Niemöller


I don’t know, you get a title in your head, you draft a piece and then a few weeks later, news and current events take a hold and you have to edit the piece accordingly.

Or rather just strip it down completely as there isn’t much to add to go along with these quotes, brevity of these few words and simply looking at people’s reactions to news is better than a rambling ball of nonsense from me.

We live in interesting times (which is the title of another upcoming blog piece).


Thanks for reading.

A Joke – Highlighting the Joke that is UK Justice and Freedom of Speech


If you’re in the UK you may not be able to see this video…think about that…

I’d been meaning to write about this for a while but figured I’d let is play out to an actual verdict and while the sentencing will happen in April the sentence for telling a joke has been passed.

Guilty of being Grossly Offensive.

The story is that a young internet comedian called known as Count Dankula, who actually has one of the more lovely Scottish accents, thought it would be funny if he could take his girlfriend’s Pug (Buddah, no sure on the spelling, blame the lovely accent), a cute, loveable, soppy looking dog and make it unappealing by getting it to react to certain phrases and commands.

He posted the above video (which you should probably watch for context…and for a good laugh, using a VPN) of said dog reacting to phrases such as “gas the Jews” and taught it to give Sieg Heil salutes and watching the speeches of Adolf Hitler.

Yes a dog watching the videos of Hitler is apparently not funny.  Not even not funny but as of sentencing today, Grossly Offensive.

A quick look on Dankula’s twitter feed even suggest that he may be tagged and subject to being placed under house arrest in what is lovingly called a “Restriction Of Liberty Order.”

This is the state of Scotland today.

This is the state of the UK today.

This is the state of Free Speech in the UK today.

There isn’t much more I can add, call it a logical fallacy but the slippery slope has just been tipped further towards tyranny.


Thanks for reading.

Edit: Someone put up a mirror to the video, so people in the UK should be able to see it, for now.