Beer Festivals and Blow Jobs

No, this isn’t some salacious post by me trying to increase passing traffic to my blog (though the stats may make for interesting comparisons).

I’d also like to state that this is not to be seen as a slight to anyone attempting or who has worked hard at putting together a beer festival, I know full well that a task like that can not be easy at all.

Speaking in advance I also hope that I resisted the temptation to make as many pseudonyms for fellatio or penis that I know are floating around my diseased mind at any given moment…anyway…

A friend (an actual, legitimate friend, not ‘a friend’) once made the statement that…

There is no such thing as a bad blow job.

The intent behind this was clear; if you are with someone willing enough to put your penis in their mouth then that in itself is a good thing and it can’t really get any worse from there on.

There then followed much debate about general (excessive) use of teeth, saliva, technique, grip strength, angles employed, surprises, snowballing, lack of actual time spent and fear of the inevitable (a la Mr Bill Hicks)

But the friend could look passed all of these, happy that, as previously stated, at least there had been an attempt.

Now I like beer festivals and it has got me thinking…

Can you actually have a bad beer festival?

You can have bad beer at a beer festival, that is a given.

There is always at least 1 beer I find myself running to the nearest sink, disposing of the contents before rising my glass out with water to hopefully completely eradicate the taste from poisoning anything else (yes, make your own comparisons with oral sex).

We know that there are bad pubs, a myriad of reasons can be put forward for what makes a pub bad, but we walk out of pubs we don’t like, we haven’t paid to get in (unlike clubs).

But is paying for entry and wanting to convince yourself you are getting ‘value for money’ a reason to stay at what could be a bad beer festival?

What could be bad about a beer festival?

General price of entry/drinks.
Lack of choice of beers/ciders.
Too many people.
Too few people.
Wrong ‘type’ of people.
Poor location.
Etc.

I’ve been to many beer festivals this year and each of the above has featured at some point or time during some of them.

Mainly its people, but even that isn’t enough to make me leave – mainly because it has never been more than 1 of the things on the above non-exhaustive list.

Sure we all have the things we prefer to have at beer festivals – I personally prefer card money that is crossed off by the bar staff, using funny money or plastic tokens with different denominations may make a festival more individual but it isn’t half confusing as the night wears on.

But again, this is something I adapt to.

Perhaps I’ve been fortunate with the beer festivals I’ve attended in that they are all good.

As for blow jobs – there is always room for improvement.

Till next time…

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